I wrote a few blog posts while I was still in Burkina Faso but never got around to publishing them because of the lack of Wifi. These posts all make me smile at memories though and capture pieces of my experience with the Peace Corps so I’m publishing them in retrospect now that I’m back in the States. Enjoy!
Any How I Met Your Mother fans out there? Because I love HIMYM and will never stop! So, if you haven’t seen them all, go on. I’ll wait.
But maybe at least watch the episode Nothing Good Ever Happens After 2am. In which Ted shares his mother’s sage words and recounts the soul-crushing nights where he broke this vital rule.
Basically, shit hits the fan after 2am. Even in NYC. Nothing good happens after 2am. So, Ted’s advice is to get home or find a snuggle buddy before this pumpkin hour. If you don’t, you’re basically fucked.
This rule should be applied liberally to Burkina Faso. Except for tweak the time and you end up with 8pm. But I maybe should have even made it 7:30pm. Because basically, as soon as the sun sets here, you need to tucker down indoors.
And if you do happen to be roaming the streets after dark. Good luck.
Except for maybe not the obvious reasons that your mind is wandering to. Nothing Good Ever Happens After 8pm here. But it’s not because you’ll get stabbed, robbed, raped, or eaten by zombies. At least, that hasn’t been my experience.
No. At dusk, the terrifying night creatures of Africa awake.
Terrifying night creatures such as gigantic bats.
Let me interject here. I absolutely love bats and am mildly obsessed with them. I find them cute and fascinating and wonderful. But here they’re humongous and absolutely terrifying. They are fine viewed at a nice distance but they are NOT OKAY when in close proximity. I repeat. NOT OKAY.
Luckily, my experience with bats has been limited. I mean luckily because my friend down the street has a nest in her latrine. NOT OKAY.
You know what creepy critters are in my latrine that come out at night?
Not normal gross cockroaches either.
Roaches as big as your hand.
You cannot take a dump in the middle of the night surrounded by ginormous roaches. Probably pooping on said ginormous roaches. I’m sorry but you can’t.
I’ve had to face some fears here already and maybe roaches will become like a nothing fear but really I’m not so sure about that one. Said fear is becoming better because now one regular sized roach seems manageable but not the whole nest.
In the middle of the night, if you must poop, you freaking hold it.
And if you can’t hold it, like if you had explosive diarrhea like I did, you use a bucket. And while you might be recoiling from the computer right now at my bowel movements and where they had to happen, I don’t blame you. But also, once some things happen they just happen and you have to own them. And you find you could also do it again. If needed.
Maybe the worst thing that comes out at night though are mosquitos.
Personally, I’d rather be eaten alive than pooping with roaches crawling around me or ginormous bats but mosquitos kill. So maybe they’re the worst.
Actually, mosquitos are out all the time here but the mosquitos infected with malaria only come out between dusk and dawn. So, if you somehow don’t have roaches or bats in your latrine, your outside night poops could be pleasant except they run the risk of death by malaria. Which sounds like a horrible way to go.
Basically, when in Burkina Faso, follow the rule. Nothing Good Ever Happens After 8pm.
Except the stars. They’re pretty good.